Mayz Band members

Seszar Tucker Guitar Vocals

Andy Sturges Drums

Andy Booth Bass

Dan Valverde Guitar

The Mayz Czech Tour '07 part I

I will try and recount the tale of Mayz Czech tour 07. Anyone reading this should take into account that for the whole trip we were sozzled. This could definitely affect what we remember about the whole experience, not very professional, but not to worry….

So check the posse. The Mayz boys Big Bad Bennie smalls with his aching balls, and Nathan 'someone lend me a tenner ' Hayles. The other two main characters are our Czech brothers Peter 'the elephant ' and John 'the driver. ' We 'll get to Peter and his name later, firstly to John.

Well, for a start John wasn 't his real name, but it was felt that we needed to bestow an honorary English name to properly baptize him into the Mayz experience. We found later that we could help bring some common English to the Czech masses Oi! Oi! Jonny boy and John boy, do you want another fuckin drink mate, was some of the queens English we managed to smear around the country. Perhaps the most used phrase when referring to john either directly, or in the third person was the classic aww fuck john boy 's gonna fuckin kill us!!! This refers specifically to the crazy driving that goes on in Czech. They drive on the right, but we definitely did more driving on the left, we might as well have been driving in England. Dougy still has nightmares involving speeding cars desperately flashing their lights at him, horns blaring, then waking up in a cold sweat….. only to find Nathan in the bed next to him…… that explains everything!

So, first night in Prague beautiful city. Not a bad hotel room, two rooms sleeps the whole band and the two bitches. And Sez 's bird. No wait she wouldn 't stay with us in case we should invoke the golden rule of 'Band property. ' Yes a true democracy shares all, and we like to carry on this fine tradition in Mayz by sharing everything with each other. In any event no one else had any pussy! She left in a hurry.

Somehow we go out for dinner, and manage to find the most expensive restaurant in town. Still standard of living is such that you wouldn 't get that quality for a similar price in blighty. A small unnecessary disagreement about the bill follows. A lovely evening.

Now by this point we have enough beer and smokes to last us through the night. Right now picture this six grown men fearing that if they go to sleep, they 'll wake up and something about them may have changed…… Like Russian roulette but with sleeping. As I recall Nathan took a good verbal basting the first night, although I certainly closed my eyes for too long and was punished appropriately. Big Bad Bennie Smalls and Nathan set the tone for the tour by sleeping together on the first night, like a little honeymoon! Oh also beer is cheap, 40p….nice!

Mayz Czech tour part II

The first gig was the …………… in the center of Prague. Mad venue, curvy architecture, with mood lighting and a large glowing sword in the middle of the dance floor. The Czech support band we were teamed up with were here also. Herr U Bahn what a collection of geezers!!! Firstly they love the pony tails, still well 'en vogue ' in the good old Czech republic, both the singer and one guitarist were sporting 'tails. ' The lead guitarist ……………. Had a broken leg, all trust up in a cast. Movement was difficult for him, but he didn 't let this 'flesh wound ' slow him down, oh no. Tables and chairs went flying on a couple of occasions, especially after too much drink. My god these boys could drink as well. The other guitar player who we named 'Paddy five fingers ' due to a Tony Iommi type accident in which the tops of his fingers were chopped off by some sort of industrial lathe device who is a good guitarist, who fuckin ' ripped it up and loved it every live long day! When we first arrived, and we were sober he offered us his weed to skin up with, what a gentleman! So to acknowledge his place in the rock pantheon, we named him with one extra finger to make up for the tops of the ones he lost. Also, his fingers have partially grown back, slightly smaller. This quite possibly is an advantage, and gives him an edge. I had a sneaking suspicion that this lizard like regeneration ability stemmed from his ability to drink 'Pear brandy ' like it was bloody water.



Herr U Bahn being of the hardy eastern European brood are particularly hard to out drink. I remember that on a previous tour where, god bless his cotton socks everyone 's favorite drummer the dynamic Andy Sturges also known as Randy Urges, to those in the know took up a vodka drinking challenge with a hardened Pole…… and won!!! Spent the next day in bed though, the Polish bloke couldn 't believe it! Anyway this Pear brandy was brewed in a tin bath, proper prohibition style loony juice! Clear as a bell, but even one swig…… had us choking and wondering when the blindness was going to set in.



The first night rocked hard, the second night is where it gets interesting………for Big Bad Bennie Smalls and Nathan 'I got a good nose for a deal ' Hayles. The name of the place escapes me again……….. Anyway I remember Nathan being very excited when he discovers the night we 're being promoted under was called Bum Bum. ' There was also another night later in the week called ass holing. Could be a peculiarity of the Czech language, or we 're in a bloody gay bar. There is also a scary Czech man with a dog the size of a horse sitting in the bar when we arrive. Nathan enquirers whether the dog bites, and Jon boy the driver translates that he will only bite you if you are black. Hmmm, nice place.

Mayz Czech Tour part III

Anyway, the gig was good, a healthy proportion of Mayz fans attend the gig, no thanks to Nathan, sat in front of the computer which is where he spends most of his time anyway wanking! Some weirdo 's like the bloke who wanted to love Sturge, who wasn 't having any of it! he sounded like the German school teacher in the show 'The League of Gentlemen. ' Very funny.


Also more good news, Nathan and Ben both get molested by a homosexual man in a tight like a tiger white T shirt.. They both really enjoyed the experience, and couldn 't wait to tell the band when they got off stage that they 'd had their gay dreams fulfilled that very evening!!!

Now we really should discuss Peter 'the elephant. Peter was our tour manager. He 's the man that makes the cog 's grind along, making sure to mop up any problems along the way. During Our first meeting I note that he seems wary…. I put it to the back of my mind, because by the second day he is hand carted like the rest of us, getting up after no sleep all red eyed rocking and rolling.

Peter was also sporting a pony tail, but very bourgeois well kept and smooth. He is about 5 '5, but as we will describe later, size isn 't everything! He is as immaculately dressed as a modern day vampire. Actually, did we only ever see him after night fall? Now on the Friday we were in Trutlov or somewhere. The guy who 's club we played in that night absolutely loved the Mayz experience, he was a very generous cool cat indeed. Anyway, by now it 's late and the gig has been replaced by a bar party. Everyone is drinking very strong beer and knocking back tequila 's that are the equivalent of three shots over in Blighty.

So, Big bad Bennie smalls is taking a leak in the toilet, Out of the corner of his eye he spies Peter strutting into the men 's room with what appears to be a hose that he is swinging around as if he 's got a microphone and he 's Roger Daltrey from the bloody who. He turns back round and try to concentrate on what he 's doing , hoping he wouldn 't get smacked in the head by whatever it was that Peter was swinging around. Suddenly he pounces on a urinal to Ben 's right, eyeing him confidently as he unfurled his anaconda with a resounding thump.

Jo Wiley of Radio one calls this phenomena 'Wang awareness. ' This is to say that if someone is packing a big snake down their trousers you don 't have to be looking to see the fuckin thing. In Peters case he was proud, swinging the fuckin ' thing about like a cowboy with a lasso. He had the look of confidence that a man gains from knowing that even before he walks into a toilet he knows he 'll have the biggest cock in there by a fair way. Ben thought his cock was massive, but it appears it was a tic tac compared to the Czech Mammoth cock Peter the great. Thus 'Peter the Elephant ' people!!!

One more issue. Dougy. He is a man of many talents indeed. Doug had the most pseudonyms on the tour. When he would pretend that he wasn 't sleeping he would pull his little woolly hat his mum made him over his eyes, ending just below his nose. With that well sculpted square set chin of his made him look like Robocop. Eliciting the name 'Murphy. ' Also Dougy uses the immortal dime – bag guitar. This bequeaths him the name Dad bag Dougy or Doug Bag Darryl. Dougy, always considered the quiet member of the group, actually likes to cause a bit of trouble. He was personally responsible for making me give Nathan a smack upside the head. Which he deserved. Twice. Prick!

Raped by easy jet on the way back for £150 to take both of my guitars. Fuckin criminals. It also turns out that the arrangement we thought the British and Czech tour companies had with each other was non existent, and so we actually got held to ransom without knowing it to the tune of a couple of hundred quid. Great. We were collectively worth a couple of hundred quid, flattery will get you everywhere! We did pass Peter the elephant on the motorway at one stage while Nathan was accompanying him, and saw him bent over the bonnet of Peter 's car with what looked like a tear in his eye...maybe Nath took one for the band?...more likely he just needed some cash. If we 'd have been taken prisoner in the traditional sense by some heavy handed mother fuckers like Al fuckin fictitious Queda, or F.A.R.C. we 'd have been fuckin famous now, and writing pretentious songs sympathizing with their struggle. Stockholm style!!! sell loads of records. Bollocks!!!

Hi

Welcome, thought I should write some blurb about the new E.P. as i 've noticed already that you tend to get 'crazies ' inflicting their opinions on you, so an oportunity to put the record straight is in order.......

This is the culmination of 7 or 8 years work.... we 're not lazy or don 't know how to work the infernal recording machine! but we definatley value the process we go through before we get a song we 're happy with. The tracks 'Concrete Syringe ' and 'The Wrong ' have been with us a fair while, but 'Monkey Brain ' and 'Eagle ' are new. We always try to approach each song as a fresh pallette, with the intention to rock heavily also at the back of our mind! With 'Monkey Brain ' and 'The Wrong ' we are developing shorter more compact doses of Mayz... microwave Mayz if you like! We basically found we needed some way to get the stuff played, so unfortunatley it has to fit certain criteria.... that doesn 't mean you have to compromise with sound or music though, I don 't think we 've ever done that. 'Concrete Syringe ' and 'Eagle ' are much more progressive journeys, perhaps for the listener that already like progressive metal? The lyrics to the songs provide us with a real and tangible continuity to the E.P. 'Monkey Brain ' laments the loss of choice and the rise of manufactured bands through traditional media sources, and music industry controlled by souless fat cat 's .... oh dear!!! 'Concrete Syringe ' continues in a similar vein encouraging the listener to think outside the box. 'The Wrong '..... Well there 's a lot of wrong in the world, lets face it. This is a subjective set of lyrics that could apply to a lot of different subjects. Lastly 'Eagle '. A powerful symbol in many countries, and is a powerful but enigmatic symbol in this song!!!!!!

Hope this is relevant

Love Mayz
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